Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Seitan, Truffles (that don't make you fat), Bread and Gordon Ramsay

So yeah. I woke up at 9 AM, didn't actually feel like it.
I thought about making my own bread for awhile, I know every woman in Bosnia knew how to make bread. I felt like if I didn't know how to make bread, I'm somehow lame.
Besides, I love learning something new - especially if that something is edible.
separating the inedible (the pits) - from the edible, delicious, sweet goodness (the fruit)

raw, phallus shaped bread (AKA flour + water etc)

the primordial soup AKA summoning seitan
 I took the seitan that passed phase II (the hardest phase of making seitan). Cooked it in soy sauce and bay leaves. It looked fucking perfect.
I opened it up, like a butcher does, and God fucking dammit - it was raw. It didn't pass phase II. I was too tired last night, to rewash it.
But it's all good, some parts of it were okay, so I left 120 grams in the freezer, and now the rest is in the "normal" part of the fridge.

sunflower seeds (I'm not sponsored by Biona) that I put in a jar, because bags piss me off and shit gets messy with bags, you don't want to fuck with that

sweet good goodness AKA iranian, soft dates

summoning triangles

OCD, Stromae's website, Toblerone ispired

Seitan looked great. It was raw on the inside. sad vegan pepe

What my kitchen looked like. I wanted to put the nuts in the truffles (not, this, but this inspired), but they tasted like suho meso (bos. smoked meat), which was fucking weird, since I'm vegan as fuck

I still can't believe how good this bread looked.
I popped my bread making cherry today.


making memes is my hidden talent
PS: Gordon, you're my fucking hero and don't take this seriously. I watched all seasons of Masterchef and I've learnt more from your show than anywhere else about cooking.
 Random fact: Sometimes, when I cook I imagine Gordon Ramsey is in my kitchen, screaming at every mistake I make, judging every step I make, screaming after seeing my raw seitan.
What my table looked like

Enjoying the creation.
I'm not sponsored by this ajvar brand, nor Arf.

So yeah, this is me. Hail fucking seitan.


Whilst seitan was cooking (a good 45 minutes), I separated the pits of the dates I bought. 1.4 kilos, to be more precise (3 pounds!).
I squished them with a fork, added 2 tbsp (28 grams) of cocoa and started shaping them into pyramids First, I shaped them into a ball, then into a pyramid. I might explain how sometime.
I thought about if God really existed, he probably made the noses of humans first, then the lips, etc. I thought about making an entire face made out of vegan truffles.

Oh yeah. I also made bread, thanks to Dana from Minimalist Baker ( http://minimalistbaker.com/the-easiest-whole-grain-seeded-bread/ ) . Thanks Dana, you're the best.
The bread tastes weird, but everything tastes weird the first time. Then you get used to the taste. Then you change it up a bit and voila - you get something new.

Recipe for the seitan and truffles are coming up, if anybody is interested in checking them out.

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