Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The past, the present and the future

Sorry (#notsorry) for the "late" blog post. I'm currently working on a million different projects - a million different stories, a million different people. I feel like I've abandoned my friends and I've turned them, in my stories, into completely different people. Sometimes I feel mad, but then I remember a few quotes by Stephen King and all I feel like doing is write. But I also have duties - as a friend, as a best friend, as an amateur chef and as a full-time daydreamer. In fact, I'm so "mad", that I've applied for a scholarship in Japan, but I do not know whether I will get it. If I will - I will be the most joyful creature that walked the Earth and I will write about my endeavors in Japan, but if I don't - I will be okay, for I still have people that support me here.
My lunchbox, which I'm going to sell on Ebay, Facebook and Etsy is currently drying. I have over 7 pieces of clothing to sell, and million of drawings and paintings. I don't know if anyone will purchase any of these things, but I sincerely hope they do so - for I also need a roof over my head and some material things. I have an entire wishlist in my head, but I don't feel like writing it down right now.

Since this blog is about food, I shall talk about my latest "project", so to speak. Last night, I made some food after training (didn't train in about 2 months, felt pretty great!). I baked 400 grams of potatoes, added some very spicy chilli (which I now regret, since my tongue is burning like the pits of Hell). Whilst the potatoes were baking, I was about to make my pralines again, but I didn't. Oh, lazy me! Ugh.

At the store, I was tempted to buy a package of Amarus, which is one of the two types of vegan pralines in Bosnia. It was a 1+1 deal, so the temptation wasn't a temptation anymore, it was a deal. So, I checked the expiration date of the pralines.

I don't want to spoil anything, but I will say one thing: I am preparing a feast for my birthday. For the first time ever, I have a chance to celebrate my own birth.

What I did with Amarus is very simple: I didn't want to "feed" my friends old pralines, so I came up with a very simple solution to a very simple problem.
The problem was this: The pralines are expiring before my birthday. Kuso. I opened up the pralines, kept the packages for another project. Opened up every single piece, one by one (ate a few on the go!), put them in a bowl and melted them in my microwave. After that, I simply put them in another bowl.
I'll probably make something else out of them - maybe only another shape. But what does matter is that the pralines are in the freezer - if they are frozen, they last longer. Like this guy. Or that scene from Prometheus where everyone wakes up, after being frozen for awhile.
If you are frozen, nothing seems like eternity. If you are made of stone, you are eternal.

A statue of Arnold Schwarzenegger
Speaking of bodybuilders, Kai Green is an artist.
One of his many paintings. Yes, that is actual Kai Greene.

To be honest, I don't want to look like Schwarzenegger. 
I just wish to be aesthetically pleasing. 
Kind of like this. 

I don't know why I'm so driven, but I'm driven. And I'm on the waves.

Alright, food talk!
Homemade seitan, potatoes, rice, mushrooms! The pros of trying to become aesthetic: You feast like a queen, fight like a valkyrie!
The preparation.

And the messy kitchen.

The pralines, ready to me melted, like scandinavian ice.

The seitan. Ignore the ciggies.

The shrooms.

Also, prepare for my vlogs. In the name of Loki, Odin and all the slavic gods, which I'm reading about, I will be the bosnian Nikki Blackketter.  But vegan, just like Stephanie.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Pot O' Veg (Vegan Bućkuriš)

I came back from a rehearsal very late, and all I had were a bunch of ingredients, which I purchased the day before. I wanted to make curry, but I didn't have coconut milk. I wanted to make deep fried tofu, but that was too greasy for me, and it takes a lot of efford and energy to make it. Besides, saturated fat isn't necessary.
So I got an idea: Why can't I just meal prep? Not for a bodybuilding competition or a diet, simply because I don't want to eat Soylent for the rest of my life and I knowing a good recipe in case of emergency is important.
 When I mean emergency, I mean: What if a large group of people came in to my house, hungy like wolves, but also exhausted?
The chopped mushrooms, tofu, dates and tomatoes

What if there was a war between AI and humans? Who would cook for the humans?
My mind drifted into fantasy, as it always happens to me, late at night – when most people are asleep. I was cooking, simply because I thought that if I sacrificed my time now, I'd have more time tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and however long it took me to eat my vegan bućkuriš*. I have to admit that's very Bosnian of me to cook like this, since I know that „fancy“ people like their dishes separated, so they can put them together, by themselves, on their plates, like I saw in a Japanese restaurant once.

What my kitchen looked like

It amazes me how people want to feel like individuals, but still continue to wonder how lonely they are.

After putting some frozen veg into my wok, and then some more, I added turmeric, simply because the taste is pretty fucking great and the color is very bright. Random fact: according to indian religions, orange is the color of the Sacred Chakra.
„Cooking for an army“, as any other bosnian would put it. 
Defrosting the frozen veg

As a fellow poet would say:“ First times are always the best“ – the most exciting times, the most enlightening times. Any other time is simply too boring for us, mostly because we've already seen everything. 

Stewing the onions right after defrosting the veg

And for the sake od additional flavor, I committed a great sin – I used olive oil to cook my onions and put it in the pot o'vegn.
I'll try thickening it up, by adding cornstarch. I didn't have it at hand, but that's fine.
I have to make another batch of seitan, just to put it in this. 

The only thing it lacked was creaminess, but that's would create a completely new dish. I also put some spices for gulaš*, just for the lulz. It ended up tasting pretty damn good.
The pot feels very fresh, but also very exciting, like savory fireworks in your mouth.
I mean, atleast I like it. Maybe because I cooked it, maybe because it's actually good.
Eating late at night is pretty bad for me or anyone else, but it reminded me of the times where I'd come late at home, after hanging out with friends, and I'd have a warm meal waiting for me, made by my mother. Comfort food.

The veg with the added turmeric

Simplicity is good. Add a bunch of colorful ingredients into one pot and make something out of it.
Like a painting or a life.

*bućkuriš - Pronounced as bochkoorish. An unbelievable combination of ingredients from the fridge, the ingredients that sit in the fridge for weeks as they impatiently and sadly wait for an economic crisis to strike, to they could fulfill their existence. The amount is irrelevant, the dynamicity advantageous. The techniques used to make a bućkuriš are the following: dicing, mixing, spicing it up, cooking it, fry something if needed and of course, eating.
*gulaš - from Wikipedia: Goulash is a soup or stew of meat and vegetables, seasoned with paprika and other spices.Originating from the medieval Kingdom of Hungary, goulash is also a popular meal in Central Europe, Scandinavia and Southern Europe.

400 frozen snap peas
400 g corn
Mexican vegetable mix
200 grams of mushrooms
1 tomato
1 fancy onion
Gulaš spice (optional)
Ground chilli, if you're feeling chilly.
Chilli makes you unchill, by unchilling you – making you feel warm. Also speeds your metabolism up.
A block of tofu, seitan or tempeh – around 200 grams
Some dates (just for fun)
Lots 'water
Dash o' salt (not too much)
2 tsp turmeric

1.       Dice the onions, stew 'em in a pan for a brief moment, set 'em aside.
2.       Take the snap peas and put 'em in a non-stick wok or another huge pot. Add a glass of water. Unfrost them, add 2 tsp of curcumin, a dash of salt
3.       Slice the tofu in whichever shape you like (hearts, cubes, circles, Illuminati triangles, dvodecedron elva tus vacuus)
4.       Slice the mushrooms.
5.       Separate the pits of the dates, „slice“ them by hand.
6.       Unfrost the corn and the vegetable mix in the same pot for the snap peas.
7.       Add the rest of the spices. I'd recommend chilli.
8.       Add tons o' water. Keep adding water until the water level reaches the level of the veggies.
9.       Wait 20 minutes or so, keep checking up on it.
10.   Sacrifice yourself for the glory of Seitan, of course. 

a glorious meme made by me
 Expect seitan recipe very soon, even though the Internet is full of them - but I shall show you the way I make it.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Seitan, Truffles (that don't make you fat), Bread and Gordon Ramsay

So yeah. I woke up at 9 AM, didn't actually feel like it.
I thought about making my own bread for awhile, I know every woman in Bosnia knew how to make bread. I felt like if I didn't know how to make bread, I'm somehow lame.
Besides, I love learning something new - especially if that something is edible.
separating the inedible (the pits) - from the edible, delicious, sweet goodness (the fruit)

raw, phallus shaped bread (AKA flour + water etc)

the primordial soup AKA summoning seitan
 I took the seitan that passed phase II (the hardest phase of making seitan). Cooked it in soy sauce and bay leaves. It looked fucking perfect.
I opened it up, like a butcher does, and God fucking dammit - it was raw. It didn't pass phase II. I was too tired last night, to rewash it.
But it's all good, some parts of it were okay, so I left 120 grams in the freezer, and now the rest is in the "normal" part of the fridge.

sunflower seeds (I'm not sponsored by Biona) that I put in a jar, because bags piss me off and shit gets messy with bags, you don't want to fuck with that

sweet good goodness AKA iranian, soft dates

summoning triangles

OCD, Stromae's website, Toblerone ispired

Seitan looked great. It was raw on the inside. sad vegan pepe

What my kitchen looked like. I wanted to put the nuts in the truffles (not, this, but this inspired), but they tasted like suho meso (bos. smoked meat), which was fucking weird, since I'm vegan as fuck

I still can't believe how good this bread looked.
I popped my bread making cherry today.

making memes is my hidden talent
PS: Gordon, you're my fucking hero and don't take this seriously. I watched all seasons of Masterchef and I've learnt more from your show than anywhere else about cooking.
 Random fact: Sometimes, when I cook I imagine Gordon Ramsey is in my kitchen, screaming at every mistake I make, judging every step I make, screaming after seeing my raw seitan.
What my table looked like

Enjoying the creation.
I'm not sponsored by this ajvar brand, nor Arf.

So yeah, this is me. Hail fucking seitan.

Whilst seitan was cooking (a good 45 minutes), I separated the pits of the dates I bought. 1.4 kilos, to be more precise (3 pounds!).
I squished them with a fork, added 2 tbsp (28 grams) of cocoa and started shaping them into pyramids First, I shaped them into a ball, then into a pyramid. I might explain how sometime.
I thought about if God really existed, he probably made the noses of humans first, then the lips, etc. I thought about making an entire face made out of vegan truffles.

Oh yeah. I also made bread, thanks to Dana from Minimalist Baker ( http://minimalistbaker.com/the-easiest-whole-grain-seeded-bread/ ) . Thanks Dana, you're the best.
The bread tastes weird, but everything tastes weird the first time. Then you get used to the taste. Then you change it up a bit and voila - you get something new.

Recipe for the seitan and truffles are coming up, if anybody is interested in checking them out.